There are moments in our lives that change everything. It is one second to the next and in a flash everything is different. In my teaching career, I have had one huge make it or break it moment for me. This moment could have shut the door to teaching for me forever. It almost did.
It all happened years ago in 2011 when little baby Taisha started her first student teaching. I was ready! I envisioned it all. I was going to be a teacher and I would achieve all my dreams. I had worked hard in college those last few years and here was my moment to shine.
The only things is...I didn't shine. My whole student teaching experience was a mess from day one. The person who took me on had to drop me for medical reasons and I was left wandering the school looking for the place I was supposed to be. It was really strange and awkward. Long story short I left that first day with no coordinating teacher and a little confused as to why I showed up.
I get a call and someone from that same school was willing to take me on. YES! They thought I looked professional and promising. I started my student teaching and I was shy. I was nervous. I was quiet. I took tons of time to plan because I wanted it to be right. I was thinking a lot about myself and the way I presented. It felt like mini assignments. I didn't contribute much those first weeks because I wanted to observe. I jumped in and was a little shaky. It went ok but not great.
My new coordinating teacher sat me down and told me I didn't have it. I didn't have the basic teaching skills I needed for this profession and she didn't know what to do with me. She didn't know how to teach me. It was all a weird experience in the first place but I felt like I was putting the time in. I felt like I had connected to the students. It was heartbreaking. The conversation was a bit cold.
I was not a teacher in this person's eyes nor would I ever be at that moment. I just didn't have the basic building blocks. I couldn't be taught.
So, I cried...and cried...and cried all weekend. My entire life was crushed. Everything I worked for was now gone. By Sunday this became my fuel. I almost think my coordinating teacher expected me not to show up. I disconnected more from her and put everything into the kids. I poured my energy and thoughts into the ones who did believe in me. I was going to finish this student teaching no matter what. I don't quit. I had to apply active encouragement to myself in a dark moment.
I taught and paid close attention to the kids. I didn't do everything right but I was going to give it my all and if I didn't have the basic skills then I didn't have the basic skills. I made an impression and kids were learning. On the last day of student teaching, I felt love. I had never felt so much love and care in my life. I had gifts and cards. The kids were going to miss me. It was all about the relationships and connections. I had made a difference and an impact. I was a teacher. I found my way.
I had done a 180. I was completely different and that was a fantastic conversation to have from my coordinating teacher. One weekend to the next something shifted and I rose up to what I needed to be. I could have quit the profession. I could have said, "I tried oh, well". I knew I had it in me and realized I didn't need to be perfect. When I realized it was less about me and all about the kids. I became a teacher and I am SO thankful I did. I have never doubted myself since.
